Just thinking
Well, I can ya know.
I'm just sitting here at work, waiting for calls....as that's what I do. I've been thinking over the last few days about my personal state. How I relate to God, what I expect from Him, and what I expect from me.
Serious deep thoughts. Not all that compatible with "tell me how to get my internet fixed."
I have been praying seriously for the last month about counselling and what God wants to do with my heart condition. It's effect on my ability to give myself to Him completely, and my ability to cope with separation and financial difficulty.
Last night I watched "Seabiscuit". Good movie. (Not ROTK, but good none the less). The one comment made by the trainer character caught me pretty hard.
"You don't throw out a body, just because it's banged up a bit." (something like that, my direct quotes are a little off sometimes.)
I began to pray. I want to run, Abba. I want to finish the race. Thank you God for not giving up on me, even when people I love do. Thank you God for not giving up on me, especially when I do.
I've been reading Corinthians and Galatians lately. I need His love, and I need to Love. Period. Only He can teach me, only He can grow my heart.
I really miss my wife and daughter. I really miss my daughter from my first marriage. Only God can heal the rifts created this last while. I pray He makes me whole. I still try to hang onto the hope that God can converge our life paths again. And right now, it would take a serious miracle.
Keep praying for me, I'm still behind the barn.
Peace Out.
