Thoughts from Behind the Barn
Things aren't getting better.
Well, things aren't what can I say.
I tried to find a way to remove my wife from the truck debt and I can't unless I have a cosigner. No one I know can afford or would help me there. My debt is way higher than my income. After Rent and child support, I have 3 credit cards 2 student loans and my truck insurance and truck payment and computer payment....................lalalala..........the list goes on.
I know I made some bad choices and I am doing my best to change all this, but somehow I just get so depressed. My wife has left, and she not only has her own house, (she rents 3 rooms to University students to pay the rent, and nannies her friend's children to pay the rest and so isn't rolling in dough or anything), someone gave her a newer mini-van, and she seems to be quite content and happy without me. She is paying the minimum payments on our shared card........Thank God........and I haven't been able to send her child support yet..............MY God where are You in this?
I just want to do what is right. God's way, not my way. His time not mine. Keep praying for me, I'm still behind the barn.
Peace Out.
Hello
Been awhile, kinda distracted lately. I know you can't comment yet, but I am still learning. I will get some help from another blogger friend of mine some day.
The more this life goes on the way it is, the more I realize how little I can do to change it. I pray every day that God will either rescue me or take me home. I don't know which I would prefer either. I want so much to hold my girls again. And to know I am in His complete will again........but who knows.
Everyone in the home church I attend seems to be fighting the dark, the dryness of life........I hope that I didn't bring it with me.
Lord, you are my Rock, my Source and my Foundation. Break down the walls in my life that keep me living this way. Lord may You have sovereignity over my heart once again. Lord please, I can't fight this pain anymore. Please take it from me.
Thanks for listening.
Peace Out.
Opening thoughts.
Being behind the Barn.
What does that mean anyway?
It denotes a time of discipline, a time of learning. I guess.
God is good. He loves me enough to train me in His ways. And to do that, I guess He needs my attention.
He's got it now.
I'm working through some tough times at this moment. Financial difficulties, and marital separation. And the hardest being that I'm separated from the most wonderful people in my life. I have gone through anger, bitterness and pain, I have been drawn closer to Christ in it, and yet I still feel pain.
Pain is part of being "behind the barn". I do love my family very much, I am working through a grieving process as well. Sometimes I wonder how long will this last, and then I wonder if it's forever. I do hope, I do pray, that things will move forward in this, in His time, in His way.
Jumbled enough for ya? It is for me. I used to be comfortable in this kind of mess, but I don't want it anymore. I want God, I want His presence. Beyond blessing, beyond comfort, I just want Him. Does that make sense?
This page will hopefully be an outlet for me to think, to vent and to become more free in Christ. I want that freedom with a desperation that I have never really known before.
So if you read these, pray. That's all, just pray.
God bless those that seek His face. Please.
Welcome to a new blog..............wow.
