The thoughts go on, even when I don't write.
Hello
I'm still thinking...yup...synapsis still firing.
The last three days I've been reading "Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes" by Brennan Manning.....pretty deep stuff.
If you haven't read it yet, you should give it a whirl, especially if your anything like me.
It deals with the masks we wear....to protect ourselves and shield our hearts from pain, but how in wearing the "poser" we don't allow ourselves to truly relate with God or with the people in our lives... That is definately me in a nutshell.
I was really hit pretty hard in the "desire" for real intimacy with Abba through it...that is the crux of it for me...I really do want deeper life with Christ, but I'm so afraid He won't like me. That He loves me is a given, He says so often in Scripture, but does He even like me?
I guess the real depth of that, is do I like myself either...at this conjuncture in my life, I don't see much to like..
Now don't take that as "join Ray's pity party", it's deeper than that, cause my friends, (whom I love deeply and appreciate even more than I love), all have encouraging things to say about me, and see me in a whole different light than I see myself...but isn't that normal?
God has been loving me through my church, my friends, and even my loneliness....it's the only reason I'm still looking into all this...the only thing that makes it worth it.
The question of does Abba really like me.......I deeply desire an answer.
God bless, Peace Out.
