How I think. Think think think think

I went to counselling today. It was too short. We started going over how I think about life and the fact that I have a "victim" mentality. That when things go bad, it's because it's happening to me, just to get me. I should think, life happens what can I learn from this.

Now that may be true, I will have to think somemore on that. Not power of positive thinking, but just how I choose to react to things that happen. Whether it's work related or trials that come. How do I react based on that kind of thinking.

I think about my marriage alot. How much I miss my family and how much I know my wife doesn't want me back. That's hard to think about yet it's all I really dwell on. God there has to be something I can do about this. Or if there isn't, please take the pain and frustration away. I want to be free, to be who God made me to be. I do not want to be locked into sadness, because the woman I really feel that I love doesn't return it.

Help me hang on to Your purpose Lord. I will surrender it all and pray You can find a way to make me see the Truth in this.

God bless, Peace Out.  ¶ 1:04 p.m.

  Keeping it simple? Wha???!!!!!?

Well, how do we? Been reading a lot about the struggles my friends are having. Makes me feel guilty sometimes for all I absorb in the prayer department.

So you who are struggling on your own, I am sorry for being so weak I don't help. And I pray for you all daily.

What is surrender?

Giving up my life? My rights? My Joys? My Pains? This is what it's perscribed to me as. I believe with all my heart that only God can change me. Yet I know I need to be willing and trusting. How?

I have rights don't I? A right to happiness, freedom and peace?
Where can I get some of these things? The Word says Christ is everything. What does that look like? How do you walk it? These questions plague me deeply, yet I still find no answers. Lord God where are you?

I want to be like my Lord, humble and strong. Leaning on God's wisdom not my own. What does that look like, how do you get there?

I really need a change. A change of mind. My heart is willing but my spirit is weak. Lord fill me with Your Spirit.

There is only one thing in your way right now Jesus.





Me.


God bless, Peace Out.  ¶ 11:33 p.m.

  Deep thought of the day. Now, I'm thinking hard lately, so this might not be as clear as it should yet.

I got an email from a friend the other day. Good man, doesn't always agree with me, but he definately stretches my faith. He mentioned how people are doing things according to Situational Ethics rather than Biblical Righteousness.

As a church have we given up that desire for holiness and righteousness for their own sake for anything that fits our situation better?

I pray for righteousness for righteousness' sake. Not for earthly reward or even to use as fire insurance, but to be truthfully righteous in Christ. Not striving for perfection out of guilt but out of love for the perfect One I want to emulate.

God bless, Peace Out.  ¶ 10:53 a.m.

  Just musin' Thinkin' that is.....

Well, life is going on whether I will it or not.
Been thinking about my purpose in life...what it is?

some say our purpose is to worship God. And I don't disagree, but I mean beyond existence from one day to the next.

If you feel the need to pray for me...and I hope you do. Pray God gives me that sense of purpose and passion again.

I'm wanting to be whole and full of His Spirit. I desire His presence in all I do.......whatever it is I'm doing. But somehow, I really just want that fire again.

Light the Fire again Oh, God.
Keep me burning ever true.
When the world around is failing,
I just want to be with You.

God bless all, Peace Out.  ¶ 1:58 a.m.

  Found something Interesting. Went to a blog page from a guy who has commented on my page. He had this link on his site.
Sorry, I can't just give a quick link but I'm learning.
My results. Don't laugh.

You are Lamentations.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla  ¶ 2:37 p.m.

  Carpe Diam?! There was a time in my life when "Carpe Diam" meant something.
If you don't know the term, it basically means "seize the day".

At some point, I lost that. I'm not sure how, or when, but I did. Now, I seize nothing. No matter how much I want to, I am afraid to. Why?

The things in this life that trouble me most I created. My circumstance is my own. The effects of losing my passion is a lot of pain. For those I have cared the most about, and for myself. I can't blame anyone, not even God. It is I and I alone who must stand accountable. To God, and to my children, and to my wife, and ex-wife. Those friends who have stood by me, when I least deserved it, and those I walked away from, including Christ.

Thank God for His mercy. Thank you Father for Your grace. You are sufficient for me. You know my pain and my sin. You know my thoughts before I do. Father forgive me for all I have created. I ask humbly now that You would step in. I have never deserved Your love. I don't think that's what You intended either. But I am increasingly greatful for the steadfast love You have shown me.

I surrender all, to You. Heavenly Father, my failings and my joys. My despair and my hope, I give it all to You. In this the darkest moments of my life, I surrender.

You are my beginning and my end. You are the only constant hope. Dear Jesus, please forgive me.

Baptize me in Your Grace and Mercy. Thank You for Your ever present Wisdom. Help me to really listen to You and those I love.

Amen.



Isaiah 43:1-13
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The LORD Has Rescued His People
Descendants of Jacob, I, the LORD, created you and formed your nation. Israel, don't be afraid. I have rescued you. I have called you by name; now you belong to me. When you cross deep rivers, I will be with you, and you won't drown. When you walk through fire, you won't be burned or scorched by the flames. I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, the God who saves you.
I gave up Egypt, Ethiopia, and the region of Seba in exchange for you. To me, you are very dear, and I love you. That's why I gave up nations and people to rescue you. Don't be afraid! I am with you. From both east and west I will bring you together. I will say to the north and to the south, "Free my sons and daughters! Let them return from distant lands. They are my people-- I created each of them to bring honor to me."
The LORD Alone Is God
The LORD said:
Bring my people together. They have eyes and ears, but they can't see or hear. Tell everyone of every nation to gather around. None of them can honestly say, "We told you so!" If someone heard them say this, then tell us about it now. My people, you are my witnesses and my chosen servant. I want you to know me, to trust me, and understand that I alone am God. I have always been God; there can be no others. I alone am the LORD; only I can rescue you. I promised to save you, and I kept my promise. You are my witnesses that no other god did this.
I, the LORD, have spoken. I am God now and forever. No one can snatch you from me or stand in my way.   ¶ 12:32 a.m.

  Today is today. Hello there dilligent readers.

I struggle daily with my feelings. I don't want them to control, but they have an enormous affect on my well being.

today I feel worn out. Empty. I try to hang on to the hem of His garment, but I feel my fingers slipping. Tomorrow I have an appointment at a Christian Counselling center. Hopefully the weather holds and I can still make it. Prayerfully, I hope it is worth going.

I want so much to be someone different. Not someone else, but me, whole and complete in Christ, yet I struggle with the image of what that should look like.

I believe God has shown me to stay faithful to my wife, even though she has stated she has no feelings for me. She has "cut" me off for all intents and purposes. I still care deeply about what happens to her, and pray she is following Christ completely. She is a wonderful lady, and I know I've hurt her deeply over the last 10 years, and I don't deserve any consideration from her part, yet I pray daily God would soften her heart.

Am I crazy??
Sometimes.

Well people. I love you who I know, and I know I can love those I don't. Keep praying for His mercy to flow. The journey isn't half finished.

God bless, Peace Out.  ¶ 2:06 p.m.

  My Bones Melt within me. Where Are You??

God, I feel my chest cave. I wonder where you are. Those things I hurt for the most I can't change.
I know my heart cries for deep relationship with you, I've woken myself up singing your priaze in my sleep. Yet Where Are You?
My Spirit melts within, I wonder where you are.

Right here, weeping beside me.
Thank you Father for Your compassion. Thank You Jesus for your love.

Help me to step outside of my heart into Your life.

My wife says she has no feelings for me and is done waiting.....because I haven't changed.
It's been six months. At three months she said I was upset cause things weren't happening fast enough for me.....kettle/pot...both black.

Lord hear my heart today. I just want to die........Your way, not mine.

I want to be different today, I'm not. I want passion, I have emptiness. Peace, I have emptiness, Joy breeds despair.
I am so tired of this, and I don't know how to Change.
Father, Where ARe You!!!!!?????!!!

Peace Out.  ¶ 5:03 p.m.