It's Been Awhile
and I just haven't had anything to say.
I've been rather detached from life this week. No real deep changes or thoughts. I still fight despair and try and hang on to His hem. It's feeling like I'm being dragged. When does the power release and He turn around to look at me?? Oh Lord, I am on the road to ruin. I need your Grace more every day.
I miss hearing from you Geo....I know life is busy and I haven't written either, and I'm sorry.
Jamie, Em....thanks for just being open and honest with me, I really have needed that.
Deb, Bern....Your always encouraging to me, even in my darkness.
Rigel....keep challenging my despair buddy, as only one who knows it can.
James....You bring a ray (no pun there) of Hope into my heart everytime you smile.
Pete.....For someone who doesn't "know" Jesus, your acceptance and advice are less "Daoist" to me and more God using you....yes just like Balaam's a$$, and you know it. LOL
Rebecca, Chaundra, Jen and Sarah.......keep drawing me out of my own stuff. It's encouraging to know that I have something to give to those around me. Other than my own crap. Even if it's just a good laugh.
Shaels.......Keep it real kiddo, I really love that about you.
Ian, Sarah..(different from the last sarah)......Don't let me go, I won't let go of you.
Shannon, Gordie.....Your becoming quite the rudder to this sinking ship.
Lorrie...Shelly...I'm right beside you in the fight....don't give up, cause I won't.
Rob....dive into your salvation now.....the Living Waters of Christ aren't all wave tossed.
Vern...Tom...You don't know me well, but I sense your heart is in it when we talk...Thanks.
Gail.....The words I have fail me. How sorry I am for all of this, and I know it is not I that brings healing and wholeness, only Christ.
Tessa, Lorien....your my girls...I miss you, love you, pray for you. I am so terribly sorry for not being able to be there with you now. But Christ knows the hope I hold for you both. My daughters, you are precious to me.
M&D.....Thanks for just loving me anyway. Even when I really turned my nose at God and at you, you didn't give up. Keep praying.
Eric, Howard, Rick, Doug, Bill...you know who you are and you know how much I love you. Keep me in your prayers as you are in mine.
Thanks for letting me share this today...it's a little eye opening to me just to look at those I have in my life who both care and lift me to my Father. You are an image of Christ to me....
Thanks.
Peace Out.
Another test I just did
I do these now and again. Some I'll post others are just too weird. God Bless, Peace Out.
ARTISTIC...(sorry, the pic was bugging me.)
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla
And it goes on.
But it ain't all bad.
God's been really working on how I see myself lately. My Pride has been a huge issue for me for a long time. Now for some of you that might sound odd coming from me, but my Pride comes out a little different.
I've always prided myself on being a thorn in the side of the IC types I hung around when I went to a regular church. I've basically had the "this is the way I am, and if you don't like it, "screw you" mentality. I have not shown love when I have exposed the sin of self righteousness in those who judged me. I've been just as selfrighteous back. And for that I ask forgiveness from those I've hurt and patience for those who wait for things to change. I've also used pride in "reverse" where I put myself down even when God says otherwise of me.
This week, I've been exposed. By God through an email I've shared with some of my friends, and through counselling and through prayer and speaking to my church family. I can not choose to stay this way any longer. How that's going to change things I don't know, but God does. Today I was called, Triumphant and Faithful. That means a lot coming from a Father I always felt disliked me. That like the prodigal, my Father is running too me as I acknowledge my sin, and humbly come home to Him. It's a slow walk, as I have become ashamed of my sin, but I am seeing the path form before me.
I pray for the strength and faith to place one foot infront of the other, and I look up to see Him run with open arms.
Thank You Jesus for Your steadfast love and outright Mercy for me. That even now, You accept where I'm coming from knowing where You want to place me.
Thank you all for being here for me while I go through this.
God Bless, Peace Out.
