The thoughts go on, even when I don't write.
Hello
I'm still thinking...yup...synapsis still firing.
The last three days I've been reading "Posers, Fakers, and Wannabes" by Brennan Manning.....pretty deep stuff.
If you haven't read it yet, you should give it a whirl, especially if your anything like me.
It deals with the masks we wear....to protect ourselves and shield our hearts from pain, but how in wearing the "poser" we don't allow ourselves to truly relate with God or with the people in our lives... That is definately me in a nutshell.
I was really hit pretty hard in the "desire" for real intimacy with Abba through it...that is the crux of it for me...I really do want deeper life with Christ, but I'm so afraid He won't like me. That He loves me is a given, He says so often in Scripture, but does He even like me?
I guess the real depth of that, is do I like myself either...at this conjuncture in my life, I don't see much to like..
Now don't take that as "join Ray's pity party", it's deeper than that, cause my friends, (whom I love deeply and appreciate even more than I love), all have encouraging things to say about me, and see me in a whole different light than I see myself...but isn't that normal?
God has been loving me through my church, my friends, and even my loneliness....it's the only reason I'm still looking into all this...the only thing that makes it worth it.
The question of does Abba really like me.......I deeply desire an answer.
God bless, Peace Out.
Where do we start? When does it end?
AS most of my readers know...
(what few of you I have/had since I don't write everyday anymore)...
I've been separated from my wife for about a year now.
There is a particular issue that she continues to bring up as a reason to why we can't be together..it has to do with my pentient for sexual images of woman...and not necessarily porn either...we're talking, art, music, friends, my own art, my reading, all the things that could bring about "sexual imaging" to my mind. And she's labelled it adultery..
No I know Christ said, if you think it, you've done it....I'm struggling with, where were my thoughts...
I am an artist, I draw, paint, 3D sculpt (Maya Rocks)and thus I see alot of "nude" art....do I need to write it all off as sinful.
I think the real issue she's alluding to is Lust....that I have issues with how I see women...not necessarily in images, but in my own belief system....
If that is the case, how do I change my belief system? How do I come to the place where I see all women as daughters of the most High God?
Father, reveal to me my sin here! Bring to light what is held in darkness! Sweet Jesus, free me from the burden of shame and guilt.
Thank You Father! AAAAMMMEEEENNN!!!!!
Now, open the eyes of my heart, Lord, and let me see YOU!
See ya all faithful readers!
Peace Out.
