Does it ever stop??
And if no.. why not?
Well.. life is still life.. which means... it's not boring?
Remember I was dating? Well.. we discussed some things and it is better for us to remain friends... we do well together as friends... I love her to pieces... I can tell her almost anything... don't ever want to lose that.
Then I get all lonely and depressed.. go figure.. LOL.. I'm just not happy unless I'm not happy..
I met a lady.. two young kids.. very cool.. like her lots... but I don't know what to expect from her or what she thinks... still friends.. but we'll see...
Then I meet another lady.. closer to my age, very much theologically bent as I, three teenagers, and definately likes me... I like her too.. wish we could talk more.. see if I could like her more.. but ... I'm just not... what's the word I'm lookin for here... uhm ... passionate about it.. I can call her, or not.. see her... or not... And because I don't contact her more often, she thinks I might not like her or am afraid of her kids...
Honestly.. I don't think we could stay anything more than friends for too long.. So instead of causing more grief than necessary.. I should just lay low.. tell her, but lay low..
See.. I've been thinking.. I've been separated for over two years, divorced for 6mths... And yet.. when I think of being with someone again, or for a long time.. I think of my ex.. and I miss her still... I am coming to grips with the fact that even though she left me, and hurt me deeply in doing so... I still have a love for her..
Can't remember if I posted this or not, and haven't read my own stuff before writing this, but she had a baby girl on the 17th of May... not mine...
I still miss her, regret how my part in our relationship hurt her.. And wish there was/had been a way for things to turn out differently..
In short.. I am lonely.. I do want to be with someone who I care about as much as they care about me.. I just haven't totally let go of my ex..
If you read this, Pray for me.. I need release and renewal.. kinda like a bad ipconfig file...LOL
So.. I don't know what else to say here.. I am still fighting that constant battle with apathy, trying to give a s^i& about more than what's right in front of my face.... And I'm trying to live again...
Lord... if ever I needed your supportive arms.. the time is now..
L8R
Peace Out, God Bless.
